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 Peace

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cocoabean
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PostSubject: Peace   Mon May 05, 2008 2:08 pm

This is just a short "descriptive" I wrote for some class one of the 50 times I tried going to college...

It was early morning, before the sun came up, before most sane people were up. The snow covering the ground was a complete blanket, virtually untouched by the day’s traffic. It had snowed through the night, the blanket of snow going undisturbed by motorists and foot traffic. The now calm snow storm had taken down the electricity in the area; most of the neighborhood wouldn’t know it for hours. With the lights out and my night eyes adjusted for darkness, the quiet of the neighborhood over took me.
Standing there, alone, passing from one side of the street to the other made me think what peace should be, and I thought to myself that so long as one man is alive to threaten another, the world will never know peace. This frozen neighborhood where no other human stirs, this is peace. Could the world ever know such a peace as this?
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cocoabean
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PostSubject: Re: Peace   Mon May 05, 2008 2:09 pm

scottro wrote:
This is just a short "descriptive" I wrote for some class one of the 50 times I tried going to college...

It was early morning, before the sun came up, before most sane people were up. The snow covering the ground was a complete blanket, virtually untouched by the day’s traffic. It had snowed through the night, the blanket of snow going undisturbed by motorists and foot traffic. The now calm snow storm had taken down the electricity in the area; most of the neighborhood wouldn’t know it for hours. With the lights out and my night eyes adjusted for darkness, the quiet of the neighborhood over took me.
Standing there, alone, passing from one side of the street to the other made me think what peace should be, and I thought to myself that so long as one man is alive to threaten another, the world will never know peace. This frozen neighborhood where no other human stirs, this is peace. Could the world ever know such a peace as this?

And I'll answer myself, NOPE.
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Rob
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PostSubject: Re: Peace   Mon May 05, 2008 3:06 pm

Nice. Are you wanting a critique or is this just something to enjoy?

Regarding the latter, I did really like it.
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PostSubject: Re: Peace   Mon May 05, 2008 3:07 pm

Rob wrote:
Nice. Are you wanting a critique or is this just something to enjoy?

Regarding the latter, I did really like it.

I'll refer to the sites general theme "whatever the fuck ya want" Wink
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PostSubject: Re: Peace   Mon May 05, 2008 4:26 pm

That's fine, I just didn't want to post any suggestions or anything unless you personally wanted them.
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PostSubject: Re: Peace   Mon May 05, 2008 4:33 pm

Rob wrote:
That's fine, I just didn't want to post any suggestions or anything unless you personally wanted them.

Thats cool, I'm "down fo whateva"
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PostSubject: Re: Peace   Mon May 05, 2008 4:35 pm

Great, just remember... I don't consider myself to be a really great writer and I'm not an elitist about these things in any way. Bear that in mind if I ever post any sort of suggestion or critique of anything.
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PostSubject: Re: Peace   Mon May 05, 2008 5:18 pm

Rob wrote:
Great, just remember... I don't consider myself to be a really great writer and I'm not an elitist about these things in any way. Bear that in mind if I ever post any sort of suggestion or critique of anything.

thats cool, the last thing I want is a forum full of "thats great!" over and over again. Can't learn shit that way.
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Bone
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PostSubject: Re: Peace   Mon May 05, 2008 5:58 pm

scottro wrote:


I'll refer to the sites general theme "whatever the fuck ya want" Wink

Hmmm....when TheSpoonyBard takes off and becomes world famous, this must be the first Tshirt slogan made.
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PostSubject: Re: Peace   Mon May 05, 2008 6:20 pm

scottro wrote:

The snow covering the ground was a complete blanket, virtually untouched by the day’s traffic. It had snowed through the night, the blanket of snow going undisturbed by motorists and foot traffic.

You may want to consider rearranging these two sentences. Also, in the second one, you may want to only use the root word snow once. Or just change it up a bit. I.E. "It had snowed through the night, the fluffy white blanket lie undisturbed by motorists and foot traffic." Or...something like that. Just to cut down on word duplication. Also with the word blanket. It's used in both sentences. Not necessarily bad, but it would sound better to use a synonym of some sort.
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Matt
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PostSubject: Re: Peace   Tue May 06, 2008 8:31 pm

Here is my feedback:



You are welcome.
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PostSubject: Re: Peace   Tue May 06, 2008 8:54 pm

Matt wrote:
Here is my feedback:



You are welcome.

/me excuses himself to the bathroom for a few minutes.
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PostSubject: Re: Peace   Tue May 06, 2008 10:26 pm

I can arrange a meeting. We can take this offline from here.
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PostSubject: Re: Peace   Wed May 07, 2008 9:13 am

Matt wrote:
I can arrange a meeting. We can take this offline from here.

FANTASTIC!
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PostSubject: Re: Peace   Wed May 07, 2008 4:42 pm

Tha llama looks strangely regal...
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PostSubject: Re: Peace   Wed May 07, 2008 5:39 pm

Rob wrote:
Tha llama looks strangely regal...

lol, thats kinda what I thought when I saw it too.
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PostSubject: Re: Peace   Wed May 07, 2008 6:08 pm

Seriously. He looks quite proud to be Scott's toy.

Though...who wouldn't be?

*Rob stands tall on an outcropping of rock, eyes glistening with sheer passion*
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PostSubject: Re: Peace   Wed May 07, 2008 8:41 pm

Rob wrote:
Seriously. He looks quite proud to be Scott's toy.

Though...who wouldn't be?

*Rob stands tall on an outcropping of rock, eyes glistening with sheer passion*

I think i just threw up a little there.
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PostSubject: Re: Peace   Wed May 07, 2008 10:03 pm

scottro wrote:
Rob wrote:
Seriously. He looks quite proud to be Scott's toy.

Though...who wouldn't be?

*Rob stands tall on an outcropping of rock, eyes glistening with sheer passion*

I think i just threw up a little there.

Awesome, free lube.
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